Crafting an Inclusive Seder: Engaging Every Guest at Your Passover Table

One of the staples of the Haggadah is the inclusion of the Four Sons/Children: the wise, wicked, simple, and one who does not know how to ask.  The Haggadah tells us that we answer each child according to their ability/temperament.

While we read about these four children every year, are we really addressing the questions of everyone around the table in a way that can be understood?  In my experience, including seders that I have lead, the answer is that we usually aren’t.  Even in a group of similar-aged folks, the backgrounds they bring to the table are vast.  Add the fact that Seder tables are more often intergenerational – this is the first year with Matt’s family that seder will be only three generations at the table, and it is no surprise that a particular Haggadah won’t be a one-size-fits-all type situation.

To grossly oversimplify, it can feel like we have these children at our seders: from less experienced attendees to old-timers, attentive and enthused, and easily distracted, Jewish and non-Jewish, young and old, and the list goes on. 

If you are leading/hosting a seder, my best advice is to think about who will be at your table and if there are simple things you can do to make them more comfortable and engaged.  From simple things like keeping toddlers seat assignments away from the candles and those with mobility challenges at the ends of the table, to a large print version of the Haggadah, and making sure there is plenty of juice available for adults who don’t partake of wine.  Perhaps having a visual “road map” to mark where you are in the seder, and more.  I remember one year my brother-in-law making a large poster for the marror & Hillel sandwich because it took so long each year to communicate the directions down the four lined-up tables through two rooms at their grandparents’ house.

Particularly for children, whether you are hosting or attending – is the expectation that kids will remain seated at the table for the entirety of the seder or will they be more free to roam.  Giving our younger ones an expectation goes a long way in them being able to fulfill that expectation.  Little toys for the plagues and the like are a good way to engage youth, but can also be a distraction – only you can determine the correct balance.

Saying these things is simple.  Making your Seder inclusive and meaningful is more challenging.  I can say from experience, some creativity, forethought, and really thinking about who is at the table (and some Passover-friendly snacks tucked in a bag for the kids) go a long way to reaching the goal of sharing the story from generation to generation.